Faced with the prospect of humiliating defeat in the upcoming Republican primary and a bare two weeks after announcing that the fate of the government rested upon his remaining a member of the Republican party, unreconstituted imbefuckingcile Arlen Specter yesterday announced that he was switching back to the democrat party, from whence he crawled several decades ago. In the short term there are obvious benefits to this move, not the least of which is that by switching Specter will have increased the collective IQs of both Republicans and democrats simultaneously.

Before delivering a boot and a well earned fuck off to the loathsome quisling douche bag, it is well to remember Specter’s dual legacy: the single bullet theory, which postulated that the bullet that killed John F Kennedy was also the bullet that killed William McKinley; and voting “Not Proven” at the impeachment of commander in briefs Bill Clinton, not proven being an arcane Scottish legalism, and Specter being stupid enough to mistake himself for an ancient Brit.

On the bright side, it’s likely the democrats will throw Specter over the side come election time in favor of Ed Rendell or some other fat corrupt sleaztard, especially with Specter facing the possibility of life imprisonment following his conviction on charges of murdering B movie actress Lana Clarkson. Until then Specter will caucus with fellow murderer Ted Kennedy, whose brother’s murder launched Specter into the national spotlight, much as Ted Kennedy launched Specter’s fellow Pennsylvanian Mary Jo Kopechne through the windshield and into Poucha Pond off Chappaquiddick Island, where he left her to drown.

I.R.S. Form 8863

Part III

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If line 10 is equal to or more than line 11, enter the amount from line 7 on line 13 and move on to line 14.

A jury found in favor of plagiarist Ward Churchill in his wrongful termination suit against Colorado State University, where the make believe indian formerly headed the ethnic studies program. According to the decision, Churchill will receive $ 1 worth of brightly colored beads, a blanket infested with small pox, and the complete second season of F Troop on DVD in damages, as well as an apology from the great white father in Washington. Speaking to reporters after the trial, Churchill said that he was “heap happy” with the result, which proved that even in a country as racist as the United States a white devil such as himself could grow up to pretend to be an oppressed minority.